


I Want You to Need Me

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Toby and the New Girl [6]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6663583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been a while since Toby felt so lost and useless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want You to Need Me

Toby watched from the doorway as Nora packed her bags for North Providence. The stereo played a band called Echo and the Bunnymen, but Toby only knew that because he had heard the song a million times before. She seemed to be in deep concentration as she hustled around the room, throwing toiletries into a bag.

"Are you sure that I can't help?" he asked.

Nora jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned and gave him a weary smile.

"I am sorry Toby, I forgot you were here. I don't need help…I have lived here for almost a decade."

"I feel I should do something." He replied.

Nora shook her head.

"Oh you know what, pour me a glass of wine please. I think I have a nice white in the kitchen."

"OK."

Toby walked into the kitchen. Last night he and Nora were playing the tickling game when her phone rang.

"Don't answer it." Toby said.

"I have to. It's my sister; just let me get rid of her." Nora picked up the phone as Toby licked her navel.

"Hey sweetie, I wish I could talk but…what? Oh my God."

Toby stopped when he felt Nora stiffen under his tongue. He looked at her but her face was unreadable.

"Lauren, what are you talking about? When? Oh, shit. Are you with daddy? OK, look, I will drive down tomorrow and we will talk then. I love you too."

She hung up and looked at Toby.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"My mom is dying." She replied.

"I'm sorry."

She put her fingers on his lips, shaking her head. That was the last thing Nora needed right now. She would rather walk into traffic then get sympathy from Toby. He pulled her close; she ducked her head under his chin. Exhaling, Nora let his arms to envelope her. They did not speak, and eventually fell asleep that way.

"Actually, there was no white in the kitchen."

He handed her a glass of Merlot. Not her favorite, but it did in a pinch.

"Shit. While I'm gone can you please restock my wine rack Tobes?"

"Are you going to talk to me about your mother?" he asked.

"She is dying. I already told you."

"Nora…"

"Don't you even dare say something about me clamming up. I just need to be alone now."

"I thought you wanted to spend the night together before you drove to New England."

"I'm not good company tonight. I will certainly call you when I get to my parents' house. Let me walk you out."

"I don't want to go." Toby replied.

"I am asking you to…I don't want to tell you to." Nora tried to clear her throat. "Please Toby; I will call tomorrow."

He nodded, going to the door. Nora followed slowly behind. They both put their hand on the knob at the same time and that made Toby smile.

"I love you." He said.

"Me too. See you soon."

Nora kissed his cheek and gently shoved him out the door, closing it in front of him. Toby stood with his palm pressed on her apartment door for almost ten minutes before turning and going home.

***

"Yeah." Toby fumbled for his cell phone in the dark room.

"Hey. I made it home OK."

"Hi."

"Sorry I woke you Toby…I made it home OK."

"Yeah, I heard you. Traffic was OK?"

Oh God, he had no idea what to say to her. They had been together over a year and he never had this much trouble before. What was happening?

"If you need me Nora, I am here. You know that right?"

"Of course. Traffic was fine. You do not have to struggle to find conversation honey; I just promised to call so I did. Call me in a couple of days."

"Yeah. I don't care what time it is…call if you need me. Call if you want."

"Definitely." She didn't sound very convincing. "I love you. Goodnight."

Nora hung up before Toby had a chance to respond. He sighed, slamming his phone onto the nightstand. He threw another pillow behind his head. It had been awhile since Toby felt so lost and useless. Nora had never turned herself off in such a way and he did not like it one bit.

***

"Excuse me Leo, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, come on in."

Toby took a deep breath, walked into the office, and closed all three doors. Leo looked at the Communications Director, who looked as if he wanted to shed his own skin.

"What's up?"

"Welch wants to attach flag burning and Jefferson wants school vouchers."

"The Land Benefits Act?" Leo asked.

"Yeah. I don't think its going to go."

"I think flag burning is just gasbagging. School vouchers will stick in the President's craw though."

"We need to do something about the public school system Leo. It is an unmitigated disaster." Toby said.

"You're preaching to the choir. It is on the agenda…we're getting there."

"We're getting nowhere and now Sam is gone and I got Will Bailey."

"I thought you liked Will Bailey." Leo said.

"Yeah. I just…he's new. I can't leave him on his own like I could Sam. I can't focus on the agenda."

"The Communications staff is large, and very talented Toby. You don't have to be the babysitter. What's going on with you?"

"Nora's mother is dying." He replied quietly.

"I know. I told her to take as much time as she needed. It would be a difficult time for anyone."

"She is not talking to me."

"What do you mean?"

Leo shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He certainly did not want to be a relationship counselor for the Senior Staff. Despite the fact that he was married to the Press Secretary, and she had recently given birth to their first child, Leo still didn't know how he felt about romance at the office from the Chief of Staff view.

"Leo, she called when she got to Providence and I have not heard from her since. It's been two days." Toby said.

"CJ talked to her. Talk to CJ."

"What should I do?"

"Talk to CJ."

"Leo, I know that this may make you uncomfortable, God knows I don't want to be here, but I don't know what to do."

Leo sighed.

"Give her space Toby. Her mother is dying."

"I didn't even know she was sick. Nora got a phone call and she was gone with no explanation."

"Explanations are not your forte either Toby. Is that what's bothering you? Are you coming to the realization that Nora has parts of herself that she has not revealed to you? It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Why wouldn't she tell me that her mother was sick? Why wouldn't she let me help?"

Leo let it slide that Toby never answered his question. He had already gotten to the root of the problem.

"Maybe she didn't think you could." Leo replied.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Toby's eyes flashed.

"I am not spoiling for a fight with you Toby so don't get offended and peevish. Mothers and daughters are like fathers and sons…a long complicated story. You don't like to talk about your family, and that is fine I guess, but maybe Nora felt as if she could not seek solace from someone with so many unresolved issues."

"Everyone has family issues!" Toby said hotly. "Even the President of the United States."

"Yeah."

"Leo…"

"Toby, I am not Dr. Phil, OK. If you hadn't noticed, CJ and I have our share of difficulties. If you want to help Nora, reach out to her. If you pushes you away, take a deep breath and go back. It's a bad time for her…that is all I got for you."

"It is not the best advice." He muttered.

"Look, my wife refused to let my stubbornness ruin her chance at happiness. I can't give you advice cuz I don't know how I got so lucky."

Toby stood from the chair and went to the door.

"Thank you Leo. You could've kicked me out."

"I should've. You have a lot of work to do."

Toby went back to his office and dialed Nora's personal cell phone. It went straight to voicemail.

' _You didn't quite catch Nora. Please leave me a message and I will call back. Thanks_.'

 **BEEP!** "Hey sugar, its Toby. Um, I know you must be going through something complicated right now and I know you are upset. I want to be there for you, even if it's simply for a hug. Oh hell Nora, I…call me OK."

***

"Hey Carol."

The senior assistant stuck her head in CJ's office door.

"Yeah?"

"On what planet does that spell circumvent?" CJ asked.

"We'll have it changed."

"Please. And this is not Prague but any stretch…who typed this. I need a new copy in ten minutes."

"Yeah. Nora is on two, and Matt typed it."

"Snitch. Put Nora through and close the door please."

Carol closed the door as CJ picked up the phone.

"Hey."

"How's Washington?" Nora asked.

"Its still standing despite Republican decree to dismantle the government. Everyone sends their love and prayers."

"She's dead CJ."

"Oh God. When?"

"A few hours ago. Lauren knew not to call me until it was close to time. I had a chance to speak to her."

"Did it help?" CJ asked.

"It may have hurt. She was dying CJ, and she expressed her disappointment in my dating a Jewish boy. Yes, she said Jewish boy."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. She didn't tell me she loved me but she could ask me to date a Gentile."

CJ exhaled, this was bad.

"I'm OK." Nora said more to herself than to her friend.

"OK. Toby is crawling out of his skin." CJ said.

"I don't know what to say to him CJ. I am glad that he wants to help, I guess, but I don't know what to say to him. How can he take in my pain when he is so filled with his own?"

"I hope that was a rhetorical question." CJ replied.

Nora laughed as she lit a cigarette.

"It really was. The funeral is Friday…I will be back in DC Sunday."

"Should we come?"

"No, I don't want to mix these two worlds. I'll be OK and I appreciate it."

"You call me if you need me…anytime."

"Don't be silly. You are so busy and you have Tim at home. If you could, tell Toby what happened. I can't talk to him."

"As your friend, and his Nora, I have to say no. I cannot give him that kind of news. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I'll call you in a couple of days."

"Bye."

***

Toby looked at the pink piece of paper Bonnie left on his desk. 'Nora's mother passed away in her sleep this morning. She will return to DC Monday.' That was it, no phone call or return number. He took a deep breath, looking at the window that separated his office from Sam's. Except it wasn't Sam's anymore, it belonged to Will Bailey. Sam was home in New York City, licking his wounds after the smackdown in Orange County. He would be back to finish the Bartlet Administration as head of White House Counsel.

Why was Nora pushing him away? It was so unlike her…she was usually highly in favor of the open book policy. She dragged many things out of Toby and now when she needed comfort and security she ran from him. He already left her two messages before he found the piece of paper on his desk.

Toby balled the paper up, threw it in the trashcan and kicked the can across the room. The bullpen didn't stir…they were used to his displays.

"Ginger!" he bellowed.

"Yeah?"

"I need a flight to Providence between now and tomorrow at noon. Also, get me a place to stay for a few days and a rental car. Call some people OK?"

"Yeah."

"And have a bereavement wreath and a dozen white roses sent to the Madison estate in Providence."

"Got it."

Toby sighed, dialing an in-house extension.

"Does he have ten minutes? I need to see him now."

***

CJ walked into the nursery that night and was surprised to see her husband. He sat in the rocking chair, holding his son to his chest. She could not help but smile.

"Hi." She said.

"Hey baby. He was restless for a while. Is he asleep now?"

"His eyes are closed. Where's Mitch?"

"In his room; I wanted to do this. I was just going to…"

Leo tried to get up but CJ stopped him.

"Don't move." She went to the drawer and grabbed the camera.

Leo complied as she snapped off four pictures.

"That's adorable." She said.

He got up and put Tim in his crib. The baby was sound asleep.

"Nora's mom died this morning." CJ said as they walked back to the bedroom.

"I know, Toby told me. He's going to Providence."

"Yeah. Confrontation of this nature is unlike him."

"When you love a woman you will do anything to help her when she is hurting." Leo said.

Once they were behind closed doors, he kissed her hello. CJ stroked his cheek.

"I guess." She replied, starting to undress.

"Uh uh, no guessing. I am talking hell and high water Claudia Jean."

She looked at him as she pulled her nightgown out of the drawer.

"What if you don't know what she needs?" CJ asked.

"Then you have to try your best to just be there for her. Let her know that when she can't hold on anymore you'll catch her."

She looked at him from behind, still holding on to the gown.

"Leave the nightgown CJ and come to bed."

"OK."

She put it back in the drawer, finished undressing, and climbed under the crisp sheets and blanket. Leo slipped his arms around her, his fingers slowly exploring the skin he knew so well.

"I love you Leo." She whispered.

"I love you too baby."

***

Toby pulled the Mustang through the open gates and down the gravel driveway on a damp Wednesday morning. There was not a lot of activity around the house; it almost seemed abandoned. He remembered when his mother died he could not shake the relatives. Aunt Whosiwhatsis, Cousin Soandso, and Uncle Whatshisface…Toby thought he would explode. Now that he saw what the opposite looked like he said a small prayer for the extended Ziegler and Levin families.

It began to drizzle as he got out of the car and walked up to the door. The bell chimed as he smoothed down his navy chinos and white button down shirt. He heard a voice from inside, so much like Nora's but a bit off.

"I'll get it Matilda."

A woman taller than Nora opened the door. She had dyed strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Toby Ziegler." She said.

"Are you Lauren?" Toby asked.

"I am. Come on in, it's starting to rain. I actually thought you were the caterer…I expected him 20 minutes ago."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"It's fine."

They were quiet for a few minutes, sizing each other up but pretending not to. Lauren spoke first.

"I'm afraid that Nora is not here."

"I'm sorry?"

"She's still in Providence but she's having brunch with some old friends. I don't know when to expect her back. She's always been on Nora time, you know what I mean?"

Actually, Toby had no idea what she was talking about. For the first time he was struck by how little he knew of Nora's life. She kept her family under a rock as much as he did. Why did he never notice before?

"Come into the kitchen; I'm sure you could use a decent cup of coffee."

He managed a smile. Coffee sounded almost as good as a million dollars right now. He followed Lauren into the kitchen, soaking up pictures as he went. This was Nora's other life and suddenly he felt as if he was somehow invading her privacy. Dammit, he should not have gone there.

"Oh hi daddy. I could have brought coffee to the study."

"I'm fine. I thought that was Ben at the door."

"No, it was Toby Zeigler. Nora's friend from DC."

A smile came across John Madison's features and it looked genuine.

"Ah Mr. Ziegler." He shook his hand. "My daughter has told me next to nothing about you. It is a pleasure."

"Thank you sir. Good to meet you."

"Please call me Jack. Feel free to have some breakfast. The wreath you sent was lovely."

"Yeah. You're welcome."

Jack excused himself back to the study and Toby resumed his staring contest with Lauren.

"Feeling out of your element?" she asked.

"How do you mean?" his tone took on an edgier note.

"Nora never felt comfortable here either. She said she always felt like she had to whisper and curtsy. I guess you know she is not the type."

"We haven't talked much about our family life." He replied in a raw burst of honesty.

"She wondered when you would figure that out. Cream or sugar?"

"No, black is fine."

Lauren put the mug on the counter.

"Nora thought you were so busy guarding your tower of secrets that you would not notice hers."

"I don't know what to say about that. Should you be telling me things she told you."

"I don't mind if you don't. Did you drive from DC?"

"No, I took a plane. I am staying at a bed and breakfast in town."

"C.C. Ledbetter's is the best." Lauren replied.

"Yeah, I was lucky they had a vacancy."

The back door opened and Toby heard her voice before he saw her.

"Can I get a hand here? Hello, anyone? Stefan, or whatever the hell his name is, left boxes of food out here."

Toby put down his coffee cup and went to the door.

"I got it."

Nora stopped in her tracks when she saw him. Then the box slipped, nearly toppling to the ground. Toby steadied it and carried it into the house.

"Thanks Toby." She said absently, picking up another box. Lauren went out and grabbed the vegetables.

"I expected him like 40 minutes ago." Lauren grumbled. "I am going to kill him."

Toby and Nora just stared at each other and the room got quiet.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked.

"I didn't want you to go through this alone Nora."

"I am not alone." She replied, sneezing. "You didn't have to come."

"Do you want me to leave?" Toby asked.

Nora looked at her sister. They were talking with their eyes. Toby used to watch his sisters do it and he hated it then too.

"Take a walk with me OK?"

"Yeah."

They walked out the open back door and Toby tried to keep in step with Nora over the vast grounds of the family's estate. He felt as if he were in a bad rich girl, poor boy film. Maybe it starred Kevin Bacon or some other hopelessly attractive guy would wasn't possibly poor.

"Do you like Sweet Jane Toby? By the Cowboy Junkies?" she asked.

"I like Sweet Jane by Lou Reed."

"What about Baba O' Riley?"

"Sure."

"And Life in a Northern Town?"

"It's a bit too ethereal for me, but it's OK. Why are you asking me this?"

"Just making conversation. They are three of my favorite songs."

"Hmm. Why did Bonnie leave me a message that your mother died?"

"I asked her too. She said you were in with the President and I didn't want to interrupt."

"I think you know what…"

"Toby, you are not the only one that has things you don't like to talk about."

"I love you, and I want to be there for you when you lose someone." He said.

"Yeah, well I love you and I brush off the dust when you push me away."

"Is this some sort of twisted revenge?"

Nora was silent as they walked into a glass-covered gazebo. She sat down and Toby sat beside her.

"My father built this for me. I was 11 and I saw The Sound of Music. I wanted to be Liesl and dance with a boy who would give me my first kiss in here."

"Rolf was a Nazi." Toby replied.

"Leave it to you to see the wrong side of the page." Nora replied smiling.

"What should I see?"

"I don't know. Nevermind."

"Nora, I…"

"My mother was on her deathbed trying to figure out how to get her nonexistent granddaughter into the DAR if she had a Jewish last name. He is not like us, she said. She was on her deathbed and she didn't say I love you Nora, she said mongrels don't belong in country clubs."

"Did she say that?" Toby asked.

"Not those words, just that inference. She knows I don't give a shit about the DAR. She thought I was dating you to spite her…she thought I did everything to spite her."

"If you are hurting," he reached for her hand. "You should let me help you."

"Why? You don't let me help you."

"Can we please talk about my massive flaws some other time?" Toby asked in an exasperated tone. "Don't do this to get back at me for something please. I want to help."

"I think you should stop thinking so much of yourself to assume I would do that Toby. And secondly, I don't give up independence easily. It has never yielded the best results."

"You're not doing that. I'm your…whatever the hell they call it these days. I can be strong for you because that is what men do."

"Oh God Toby." Nora laughed. "You're pulling the male duty card? Men have to take care of their weak women."

"No! Nora, dammit you don't need me for anything. Don't you think that took some getting used to? But don't you want me? Don't you want me there to wrap you in my arms when you cry? Or to jump up and down with you on the big win? Or just to talk when you feel lonely or exhausted? I know you don't need me, but you want me right?"

"Yes." She wiped the tears from her face. "I told you that a long time ago. I do need you Toby, I do. I need you to let me handle this on my own."

"No."

"No? You can't say no to me, not about this."

"I can. Please, just this once, let me take care of you. I won't get used to it I promise. You're going to break and I refuse to be miles away when I can be right behind you."

"Since when did you get so Zen-like?" she asked.

"I met a woman with the patience of Job. She told me that it is OK to fall sometimes. I haven't taken her advice yet."

"Then why should I?"

"Because it's your turn. It will be mine soon enough. Let me do this for you…it doesn't make you weak."

Nora took a deep breath.

"I cannot believe that you came all the way to Providence." She said.

"You wouldn't answer the phone. I was so worried about you."

"Do you have a place to stay?"

"C.C Ledbetter's. Lauren said it was the best."

"It is. Toby, I am so glad you're here."

He held out his arms for her and Nora came. She cried and Toby didn't know if it was for her mother. Now was not the time to ask. He just rubbed her back, whispering words of comfort in her ear until the tears subsided. When she finally pulled away, she gave him a kiss and stroked his beard.

"I cannot talk about my mother right now Toby."

"I understand."

"Seriously, don't try to make me because I cannot."

"No." he shook his head. "I will be here if you do…I just want to be here."

"OK. Come on, its cold, lets go back in the house."

"I met your father." Toby said as they walked back.

"You remind me so much of him. Brilliant, easy to love, impossible to understand. He's like a puzzle I spent my entire childhood trying to put together."

"What does that make me?" Toby asked.

"The one I will spend the rest of my life working on."

"You intend to live into your hundreds, do you?"

Nora looked at him and laughed.

"Wow, Toby Ziegler made a funny. I am impressed. Should I alert the local papers?"

Toby stopped walking and so did Nora.

"I love you Nora. I don't know about the rest but I know that. Just give me a chance and some time OK?"

"Yeah. I love you too. Come on, I'm hungry."

"Didn't you go to brunch?"

"I told them that…there was something I needed to do."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"No. Now I need to eat."

Toby accepted her answer. At least he was here and when she wanted to open up he would be still be here. It hurt when she pushed him away, and the irony of the situation was not lost on Toby. Still, this was not about him and his multitude of layers. All of that could wait until Nora was better. Now he had a chance to be the man she needed him to be.

***


End file.
